Challenge of Introversion: How to Speak Up More in Meetings

"You're not adding enough value in meetings". Just in the last year I've coached close to a dozen people who all got the same feedback from their manager. All turned out to be introverts on the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). As I asked more questions about each situation, I realized "not adding enough value" was code for "we want to hear you talk more".

One of the biggest differences between extroverts and introverts is how we process and share information. Extroverts talk to think. Introverts think before they talk. For many introverts, trying to talk in a team meeting is like trying to jump on a fast moving merry go round set in motion by the extroverts in the room. The extroverts are happily processing their thoughts out loud. The introverts are listening intently, trying to process everything they're hearing, find their own insight or opinion, then find the right words to express it.

Typically one of two things happens when an introvert finally speaks up in a meeting:

1. They contribute something completely brilliant. Everyone appreciates their contribution and wishes they would speak up more often. 
2. No one hears what the introvert has to say, either because it's not said with enough volume and conviction to be noticed over the happy din of extroverted thinking and/or because the contribution is made so late in the conversation that everyone else has moved on in their thinking.

So how to get into the conversation sooner and get heard? Silence your inner Editor. Be willing to toss out draft ideas and not worry about how they'll be received. You can always edit out loud by adding clarifying details or a follow on comment like, "Maybe an even better way to say that is..."

 One thing a lot of introverts I coach have in common is an Editor in their head who convinces them what they are about to say is somehow not good enough: it's not on point, it's not strategic enough, it's probably not important enough to say, etc. The Editor's commentary adds mental noise and physical stress to the introvert's system, making it even more difficult to put coherent thoughts together and find a good moment to leap into the discussion. Send your Editor on a break and join the extrovert party--think out loud.

 

Comments

[LPC]

I once had a subordinate who was so shy I had to tell him that he had to talk at least SOMETIMES. He left the company. It was Sun Microsystems, a company in which marketing people had to be extroverts since the quota of introverts was filled by the genius tecchies. This was in the previous decade, BTW, during Sun's heyday. This guy just wasn't going to thrive in Sun's culture. I didn't mean to make him leave, but in retrospect, probably the best thing that he could have done.

[Jane Cavanaugh]

Yeah, some corporate cultures and/or role expectations are particularly challenging for introverts to the point of just not being a good fit. Like your experience at Sun, outward facing roles like Sales, Marketing, and PR typically attract extroverts. I've known a lot of introverts who do find good role and culture fit in those organizations (market analyst and sales engineer roles come to mind). To really have a good fit with a highly extroverted marketing or sales team I think it helps to be a sociable introvert or have teammates who value your contribution enough to actively draw you into the conversation (some introverts need help from the leader or facilitator to get their voice into the mix; something like, "John, what are your thoughts on this?" or "Em, do you have anything to add here?"). I can see where a really shy introvert might actually "fail" if he couldn't find his voice at all. As you point out, the best move for him might have been to move on and find a better fit.